Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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