My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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