Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
