She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
