Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
