The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
