I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
