I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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