Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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