Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
