just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
