nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
