Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I look better un-naked...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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