if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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