fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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