I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
