Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
