Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
