Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I showed him my bush... on skype.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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