He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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