dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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