Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
