why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
