I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
