Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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