do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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