everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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