She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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