She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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