i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
