can we get nightvision for the apartment?
two words: eviction party
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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