Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
