When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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