nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
