I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
