he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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