I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
