Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
