Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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