Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
