No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I lost the right to judge tonight
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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