I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
false alarm. still invincible.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
