I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
