i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
