Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
