I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
