I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
