Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
