He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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