My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
