Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
