Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
