she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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