she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
