just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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