Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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